Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listenint to this, you are listening to Rhod Bilbert's Best Bits. But it's not his best bits today. / It's different / It's Rhys and Eggsy / Rhys and Eggsy / from, uh, Goldie Lookin Chain. / We talk about loads ... it's a really good show, actually. / It's not bad for two blokes that __ just called __ in the last minute. / Uh, we don't ... we don't talk about Justin Bieber, / No, / We don't mention / Don't mention world politics / Uh ... C__ B__ / talk / stay out of politics / don't mention that either / but / loads of stuff / loads of other stuff. So, uh ... / Yeah. Get involved / Enjoy this. / Yeah. Give it a listen.

This morning, uh, I ... you know, I knew __ __ coming here / radio / get myself up early / get ready, / yeah, / thing to do, / yeah, / __ clear head, I got __ __ __ gym super-early, / Nicey nice nice, yeah. / Uh ... and I / trying to lose a bit of weight / OK. / and it's nice, some people've been coming up me / they've been saying / you've lost / weight / __ up a little bit, yeah / Mom and dad, they haven't noticed. To be honest with you, if I've got a haircut, / Yeah, / __ __ __ __ __, they wouldn't notice. / You walk in your pants, "Look at me !" ... Nothing? / Nothing. / Nothing? Oh, shocking. / So, mom and dad, listen, / Yeah, / a little compliment every now and then / treat ... treat your son like a latch-key kid / just / makes the boy feel good / Yeah, exactly. / So / gym / lots of people in the gym / and I / get on one of the treadmills. / Yeah. / So, in front of the treadmills, there's this big plasma screen TV / yeah, that freaks me out in the gyms, yeah. / So, I thought / I chose my treadmill, got on there / (set) / programme __ __ running, free-running, whatever / OK / look up / kids television / kids TV / kids television, yeah yeah yeah / in the gym / yeah / what's that all about? / what's that all about? / everyone knows kids eat sugar / in circles / most people / gym / to get away from kids TV. / Exactly. / And there I am. I would have preferred ... I mean, / that's a good one / watching / gym / that's not a bad one / I enjoy / darts / in the gym / generally, but / in the gym / treadmill / very relaxing / I quite like / J__ K__ / gives you something to ... motivate / when / go on, eat __m / running into / rock / usually, on a Saturday, I can get / sports channel / something like that / I can review / to be fair, __ __ quite a good show. Uh ... it's about a woman who / kids / and / you know / they / cartoon / no / live action / big ... big fan of the cartoons on / Saturday morning myself / Then, I noticed / they do all these different things / like / pull things / lift things up / one dude / he had an istrument and he was / like / pulling it and pushing it around the gym / floor / an object attached by, like, a cord, and he was pulling it ... / Yeah. / ... and I realized the man was doing __ hoovering / which was, uh ... / form of exercise / terrible time this week. / I went nuts with my hoover head, um ... / which / accidentally or on purpose? / a little bit of both. Um ... / I was doing some basic hoovering / I got ... I've got, uh ... sort of, one those small / two wheels on the back / been to your house at least twice / you haven't got any carpet / uh ... in the bedroom I have / never / come on / never allowed in the chamber / type of / friend / wooden / suck / do / my hoovering / my vacuum cleaner got wrapped on me / actual tube bit got / as well / tied yourself up in a giant knot / it / like / G__'s Travel__ / pinned down by, uh ... all these tiny people / hoover / attacked me. ... I couldn't get out of it. I was sweating / really hot / really fast / smashed the hoover / the hoover / technical ... techical term / smashed / all over the place, realized, "Now I can't do any hoovering. ... Ordered a new hoover head, right? / online, brilliant, / gonna arrive / prize / internet recently. Um ... yesterday, I got a, uh, note from the postman / Yeah? / a package has arrived / Huh. Suspect package / please come and pick it / depot / right / it's my prize. It's my prize / no / the thing is, / got / pick up / all / possible hoover head / 24 hours to pick it up / that does happen / got up extra early this morning / went / queue of 15 people / all trying to / maybe they've all won prizes / exactly. They / all / their prizes, right / I still don't know / or a hoover head because I had to come here to do a radio show / I can't / what a rubbish morning ! / I think you need / 'cause you should know, everyone should know, that, if you get a little ... / you've missed a parcel / got a little note / door / the thing is, is it a prize? Is it a hoover head? I'm so excited. What / Monday / dirty house, no new clothes to put on. Shocking.

Gents / T-shirt / my wedding three years ago / I can't remember that / my mind is / after / years of / sorry. That one's gone. Uh, but also, he's dropped in an Ask Eggsy / Great. Great stuff. / Great feature / all the answers / to some of the questions / __ you've got a question, I'll give you an answer / not necessarily / guys / proffessional. ... "I / get out / trying / to evapolate it and / a cup of rice. Neither __ worked / any tips? / cup of rice / but / in a ... in a warm place / Yeah / probably / get yourself / Yeah. Get a grip, man. / it's not the 90's any more / __ __ __ __ __ really good."? Get a grip, man.

Uh, right. So, we / talk about, uh ... your greatest sporting achievement / right now / it could be, uh ... / you might play darts, you might, uh ... be a footballer / individual dicipline / great sport achievement / Wales / win / watching / great sporting achievement / something you've been part of / I myself, uh ... once I walked from Cardiff to Newport / eight hours / in / absolutely / did take a long time / my feet did hurt / essentially you are an athlete / social athlete / gone for it / pleased with myself / in / itself / you planned to ... to cycle to C__. / I was ... / did that ever happen? / massive dream of mine was to cycle to C__ one summer / gonna be like __ mixture of the film Stand by Me ... uh, combined with, sort of, you know, being / Lance Armstrong / before / dodgy, obviously / are we talking / fizzy pop / let's say / for the sake of / argument / fizzy pop / that's nice / ultimate dream ... ultimate social, um ... / never happened / second grade / sporting ... sporting event / was / eleven / Yeah? / swimming lessons, and / find / pair of pants / brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. That's pretty good, isn't it? / Huh ... Good. Good times. / Good times __, yeah. / when I was a kid / drink / a ... a tin cup / Yeah yeah yeah. / picture of me / 5-year-old kids / holding this cup up / I have no clue what I did to win / good / something to do with sports / I invented a new football position in primary school / known as / back-defense / football pitch / you've got a goalkeeper and defenders / 'cause he had the gloves / Right. Yeah. / so he could touch the ball / own the gloves / goalie / I went / stood behind him, and / spoke about Star Wars while / football / I was / my feet, and we had crisps / great / introduce more back-defenders / premiership football / I'll tell you what / people talk about Star Wars a lot ... a lot more / Exactly. You know. You know. / when I was / I cycled to / social sports Man of the Year. Get in. Brilliant. / Rhys and Eggsy on BBC Radio Wales / we are talking about / you greatest sporting achievement right now / could be an individual dicipline / my greatest sport achievment has to be / football match / 3-0 up, right? / own / the game / 3-3 / with me / attack / epic / he didn't lose, really / just shocking, innit? You know, / different sports / like chess or watching TV.

we / greatest sporting achievements earlier on / uh ... text number / yeah / get / a bit of response / some great sportsman out there / this great sporting nation we're living / obviously the big ... big rugby match / on today / Wales v Scotland / Yes. That's, uh, / top of the map / good / great reponses from people / regarding / great / wonderful things / guys / five sheep / row / after attending a Goldie Lookin Chain gig / back / Goldie Looking Chain gig / next to / five sheep / did five, and then / one sheep / five / six / messed it up, did you? Uh ... Adam from Newport via / who spoke to us earlier on today / his watch / time piece, yeah / get rid of it / this isn't 80's any more / we've got mobile phones / what's he done? / watch / elastic band / get in / you could say / sporting achievement / own way / good one / "Hiya, boys. I beat ..." ... check this out, / professional / also called "One-man w__ / I don't know what the hell that is / in an airport in Spain with an inflatable beach ball / football game / in dispute because I pushed the other guy and he nearly / sheetglass window like in Die Hard II / I still won /

R__ and Eggsy / BBC Radio Wales / talking UFOs now / again, the issue / thoughts / that / big story about UFO / this week / I'm a massive fan of aliens, ghosts, monsters ... anything slightly weird / managed to / UFO spot__. This is fantastic / Australian / 40 / accurate, but / sounds good / 40 / uh ... recently __ __ __ has managed to obtain evidence of UFOs / I read the story, and I thought / in Sydney / yeah / botanical gardens / might be in his office / mate / what / do / hang out / mate / get a camera / I love it. When I / my mates / nothing I like better than / up to / Uh, you know, just feeling / you know, that kinda thing / how do you fancy / getting a few / so, uh ... / they set up ... they set up a camera / yes / and / which I / stop-motion? / which / high-tech camera / yeah yeah yeah / it was __ stop-motion / they set it up / f__ / go into / come on / fly / they did that / and what happened? / Uh ... basically ... __ checking / found three shots involving a strange light flowing past his window / it's an alien, according to / I saw these / shots / obviously I was confused by / 'cause / I thought / motion / stop-animation / yeah yeah yeah / three individual shots / a red light on the right hand of the screen / red light / in the middle / left of the screen / basically / meaning / moved / gone past / gone past / camera lens. ... Now, uh ... I'm a massive, uh, alien fanatic / abducted by aliens / long / tell you all about it. Um ... basically, uh, I know what happened. I figured this out. / Right. OK. You / online / chance / go online, type / pictures / so you can ... I can guide you through / it's a picture of some trees / some trees, yeah / OK / that's it / pretty much / a bit of the sky / I ... I found / exact location __ was in / or something like that / all crazy names / Google maps, and, uh ... I looked at an aerial view of where his location was / you've done / research / a lot of research / massive alien nuts / some say / anyone / just yet / Not yet, no. / Uh ... I / Google maps / this is / angry man / H__ / 40 / 40 / around about that age ... his office is actually pretty much near a type of port or a harbour / Sydney is a giant port / park / is opposite the water, OK? So ... / window / he zoomed in / so / that is his first mistake / first mistake / zooming in / condense / field / between him / bushes / alien craft / OK / you / slightly orangy light, sort of / something / coming down from it / 75-degree angle / coming down / off of it / like a tractor beam / like a tractor beam / sucking up / cow mutilation / classic / a bit of / little light on top / so, __ I'm sorry / angry man / you haven't spotted __ aliens.

Eggsy / World Book Day / this week / Wednesday or Thursday / people around the world celebrating books / idea / day / seems to be that you dress up / book / a bit / fancy dress affair, wasn't it? You know. / so, my niece went to school dressed as __, which I thought / type of coffee / hot drink machine / Roman book / OK. / So, she / got / bed sheet / curtain / I think my nephew did, uh ... / Lord of the Ring / dressed / pretty good / what would you / I suppose. / Yeah. / you know, that kind of / know / get / sticks / hair / feet / get a biro / you know / not a bad idea / So, I was thinking / obviously / will happen again / next year / what would you dress up as? / I was thinking / my brain about / good / basically / paint yourself orange / yeah / not a bad one. Uh ... Me, personally, um ... bloke from __ Joy of Sex, uh, draw beard on / naked / hey, you know / book / as long as you keep / curtain / closed / don't leave your house / freedom / what's wrong with / naked human form anyway?

So, it's, uh ... Rhys and Eggsy / in for Rhod / regular / do / ask Eggsy / korkey / some of the answers / if you've got a burning issue, I can give you / you can make a sound / I can create vowels / and / give you some kind of / I mean, don't ask me anything that's life-threatening / end up / terribly scarred or dead / coming / plenty of answers / got / come / Eggsy / something has troubled me for years / very good / here / how / stick to frying pan / A__ in Newport / non / really easy one / pretty much works / same theory / gravity / ghosts / I don't know / gravity / holding / otherwise everything / in the afterlife / floor / certain tefron ghost / That's right. If you / factory / call up a ghost, give / job interview / find / stick / and / way to test this / pan / house / tefron in it / tickle thin air. And, if / float / up / ghost / A__ / made of / tell you what / made of / There you go. Good one / got / t__ / some of the questions / another one there / this is a great one. Um ... / really / noises / which dino__ / you bring back and / loose / St. __'s era of Newport / I personally would go for the T__ 'cause / fly / possibly / recreate a scene / flying d__ __ __ __ window cleaner's head off / probably cry / around the __ era / some of the questions / some / questions, some of the answers. / Yeah. Good stuff.

all / even / is / not far from / sorry / should / massive / dozen duck-sized horses or one horse-sized duck? Loving the show." / good / sized / brain / horses / my hands / a big duck / __ one giant horse-sized duck / I, personally ... uh ... / attcking you / wanna hurt you / fend him off / with bare hands / kick / big one / you're gonna have to / unless / reckon / big one / knock down / front door / come in / Exactly. So, / going for / dozen / football / got another one there / I think / moment / all / department / actually / discussion / Ask Eggsy / my husband thinks he's an alien / yeah / alien / seek medical advice / sure / alien / need a spaceship / looking for a spaceship / why? / it's a bit like / some sort of t__er / good / someone who / umbrella / put that together / like / phone home / if / three-foot tall / that probably means / referring / to / film / talk about __ quickly now / Yeah. / in / film E.T. / young / impressed / and / towards the end of the film, / BMX and / alien / this is amazing / basket / we'll be coming back with a lot more stuff / we may even talk about psychic dog / we may / even / dogs / get better than this / anything can happen / Rhys / BBC / get in

we've / psychic oct__ / dog / dog / owners / amazing things / companion / tell you / most compassionate / responsive / read our minds or / some sort of / extra / but / are dogs psychic? / Fluffy the psychic dog / yeah / never / scientific / some people believe / exactly what / dogs / in order to reunite / reckon / different / us / basically they can hear a lot more / and they can see / more / more hair__ / smell / more / things like that / part / dogs' hearing / nothing compared to / smell / only one-tenth / size / processes / 40 times larger / while we have / five / dogs / three / depending on the breed / coming home / so / scientists are saying / smell / dogs / thicker than us / smell the future / what sort of scientists / doing this reseach? / who's paying? Who's paying for this? Tax payers? / private company / do you know what I mean / every / walk / home / park / there's more / Oh, OK. / one morning two years ago / sat / ball / refused / did / I noticed / whole thing caved in / stepped / I would have died / if / dog / dropped / ball / look / can't / saying / buried / go and get / psychic / could have been lazy / it / was / thing / back / get older / lot / true / probably / already / park every day of his life, right / walk / just / out / can't admit the fact / die / illusion / psychic / Elvis the dog / really sad, actually. / got the music / Elvis / was left homeless / last / nurses / died / we've got the music. Here we go. / when / died / new home / made that word up / in USA / nine days / what happened? / found / exhausted / buried. However, Elvis / found / on / without knowing / buried / seven miles / no one could explain it / rubbish / absolutely rubbish / as far as I'm concerned / dig / everyone / that's / not / anyone / humanizes a dog / I'm sorry / not / can't / christmas / It's a dog. It's not psychic. / you / heard / story / this / much / Isle of M__ / there you go / from / Jeff the talking m__ / happened / about / farmer / let's say A__ the Farmer. And, uh ... / one / house / behind / rats / walks / Jeff / apparently / India / walls / such / people / who would / anecdote / saucepan / bananas / sweats / hinding in hedgerows / what / just disappeared / only / some hair / footprint / as far as I'm concerned / chance

would we rather fight / six duck-sized horses / which is an interesting question / I'm glad / raised / often / agreement / be easier to fight / someone then / there is such / if / DNA / needed / supermarket beef burgers / lot / at the moment. Basically / boxes / again / easily done. Easily done. / Adam in Newport / involved / my dog hasn't got a dictionary. How does he spell?" ... Terrible.

over / eggsy / will be back / 11 a.m. / BBC Radio Wales

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